It's never too late for change,

okay so,

you’ve really really hurt me. and i mean really.
i take all of your shit, i fall fro you when i know i shouldn’t
i believe it when you tell me you love me
and i tell you im happy for you when you get a girlfriend despite all you said to me

but you never really cared did you,
you just wanted to know someone was there
you only think about number one
and i was stupid enough to believe i might come close,

but no, you’ve hurt me just like every other time
but im trying not to be that pathetic little girl and just sit and take it and feel like shit like i always used to
im trying to stay strong.

but its hard,
harder than you can ever imagine.

stop running away from situations that can get a tiny bit messy and man the fuck up
please, because i dont have the strength to run away like you do,
and i dont have the strength to handle it right now

you’ve well and truly fucked me over.
again.

and the worst part is,
i cant even be angry at you
im blaming myself for all of this. 

It’s true what people say about the sun being out making you happier, But its still only morning and I’m in college till five so we’ll see just how well this theory works..

she’ll be finishing school now and making plans to go and see you,
but i’m still in college, so how different would it have been if it was me and not her,
would you have more time to see your friends and do your college work like you complain about not being able to do, while i was in college, or would we not have had time for each other meaning you wound up better off with her anyway..

what if i hadnt been the one to hurt you so much over a year ago, maybe just maybe it could have been me sitting laughing with you in a few hours time, you said it yourself ‘if i wasnt scared of being hurt again, it would have been you’

but if you’ve got nothing to fear then you mustn’t have have anything worth loosing? does that mean that she isn’t worth loosing but i am? why do things work out this way, is it my turn to get hurt now like you did? 

if so then why do you tell me you still love me, because you can’t love me if you have someone else to care for. so why do we spend all night on the phone once she’s left your house, why do you still care if i see other people and why do i still feel a twist of sadness everytime you mention her name?

why and what if..

i wonder what would happen if i was to just walk away from you and everything you stood for,

who am i kidding though,
i could never do that, you mean too much to me

so why do i feel so hurt? 

i just wish..

in other news though i need sleep,
can’t live off coffee my whole life.

night x

some newspaper reporters are absolute filth,
all they seem to care about is getting a decent story written,
not about the actual people they are writing about.

have a heart will you!

a friend of mine told me that ‘life is fair to the bastards of the world’
maybe that’s where we’re all going wrong..